Do you ever have days where you honestly don’t give a fuck? And everything is just going horribly and you’re frustrated and this close to having a mental breakdown?
Well, that was my day today. Things just kept piling up on each other and I was getting more and more frustrated and upset. All day long I was kind of fighting not to burst into tears in a public place. I did tear up a little on the bus and, finally, when I was walking home, I just had a breakdown. Life was just being a bitch to me today.
First of all, I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night and I ended up waking up an hour before my alarm goes off and I couldn’t fall back asleep. Whenever I’m low on sleep, I turn into a big, fat emotional bomb that anything can set off. Then, some person was criticizing my doodles. What the fuck? It’s a doodle, you asshole. I hate criticism. Who are you to tell me how to do something? Fack.
Then, in class I had to do this group assignment, which made no sense to me at all. We had no idea what we was supposed to be doing, so we asked a teacher to explain. But it was a substitute teacher, so they were no help at all. And, to make things worse, he babbled on for at least 10 minutes. I didn’t need the history lesson, thanks. At this point, I was just so frustrated at everything.
While I was one the bus, all this shit just kept running around in my head and I had this huge battle not to cry. I’m not going to lie a few tears did slip out, but I don’t think anyone noticed. While I was walking the few blocks homes, it was freezing out and I guess that was just the last straw, because I just had a meltdown in the middle of an alley. And you thought weird people with knives were the only scary thing lurking in your alley… Ahaha.
When I got home, I ended up getting in a fight with my mom, too. I’ve been asking to get my license for a while (over a year) and she has a million and four reasons why I can’t get it. “Your step-dad needs to be home, since the vehicle is registered under him.” “We have no money.” “We’re busy all of this weekend.” etc. etc. So today I decided to take some initiative, since it started snowing out and I am not down for busing around in -30 weather. Fuck that. I called a few registries to ask some questions and it turns out that no, my step dad doesn’t need to be there and I have enough money to pay for my own test. I told her that and she said, “I’m not comfortable with it.”
What the fuck is thereto be uncomfortable about? I’m the one taking the test, and paying, and skipping a morning of school. All she has to do is sit in the car while I drive to the registry, and then sit in there for about 45 minutes. God it makes me angry just thinking about it. Then she said, “What’s the hurry? You aren’t going to be allowed to drive any of our cars.” When my older brother got his license, he was bought a truck. How about she treats me the same way? It’s so unfair that boys get everything and girls have to beg to get what they want. Weren’t we supposed to be striving for more equality between men and women? Because it seems like girls are still getting the short end of the stick.
What a giant shit hole of a day.
To console myself, I’m going to make a ridiculously unhealthy supper, eat a tonne of popsicles, and watch Glee. If anyone bothers me… I am going to pull a Chris Brown on their ass.